26 Weeks

Yesterday I crossed the 26 week mark, the last week of month 6 and last week of the second trimester. Now on to the third and final act.

I'm starting to realize just how silly "want" has become in my life. All the things I ever wanted I now have yet I'm still exactly the same as I was before I had them. I guess I need to remind myself to be satisfied with what I have this moment because wanting and getting will never change what's happening on the inside. Even if it does, it really only changes momentairily. Perhaps what I'm trying to say is I've got to stop living in the future and start living in the now. I know that sounds very Eckhart Tolle but more and more I'm finding it rings very true in my life.

I guess I better start figuring these things out before Harlow gets here. Speaking of Harlow, she danced my belly all day yesterday. I'm starting to see a pattern, it seems every other day is a very active one for her. I wonder if she'll keep the same pattern when she's born?

I'm beginning to find peace in my birth plan. I'm done listening to harsh criticism in regards to c-sections. This is the choice I have to make for my baby and for me, end of story. I can't risk breaking my back again and possibly not being able to carry my daughter after delivery. So I'll take a death breath, follow my doctor's orders and pray that every turns out exactly as it should.

30 years

Last week has ended and I'm left feeling thankful.  We're truly blessed with so much it's had for me to be comfortable at times.  I wonder what bad thing will come our way in order to even the playing field.  You can't have everything can you?  

I've asked this question several times this week and received the same answer "yes you can"

This week I turned 30 years old with all the people I love surrounding me in my backyard under candle light and big orange lanterns.  I saw my baby in an ultrasound with my husband and my sister in the room and found out that she's a baby girl.  America voted in our first black president.  And I closed my eyes Sunday night with headphones over my belly playing music for my baby girl and feeling her twist and turn to the music in my belly.

Warm decaf vanilla tea resting on my precious swollen belly.  I have everything for now.

Harlow Raine